When we asked autistic adults what they wished they had growing up, they shared insights that can make life better for autistic children and teens today. Their reflections, whether they knew they were autistic as kids or not, show us how to create more accessible, neuroaffirming environments.
Parenting an autistic child is a learning journey, often shaped by limited information and evolving support systems. These insights are not about blame; they’re an invitation for families, educators, and communities to grow alongside autistic children. For many parents, discovering their own neurodivergence through their child’s diagnosis adds another layer of understanding and reflection. Approached with patience, flexibility, and grace, this shared journey benefits both children and parents alike.
Autistic Teens
As teens, many autistic adults recall times when their needs or experiences were misunderstood, craving more security and autonomy in social and home dynamics, and more opportunities to learn about autism. They also wish they had more autistic teens and mentors, especially if they could communicate with them while engaging in special interest-focused activities.
Supportive Family
When it comes to family, learning about autism and how to provide neuroaffirming support goes a long way. So does kindness, acceptance, and a willingness to learn, grow, and try new things.
In practice, that could look like encouraging your teens to engage with their special interest, helping them get Augmented and Alternative Communication Devices (AACs), or connecting them with autism-specific counselling services. It could mean learning to regulate your own nervous system so you can help them learn to regulate theirs, and keep yourself level-headed when they need someone to be there for them. It could mean striking a balance between respecting their autonomy while still being there to accommodate their needs, a difficult but worthwhile pursuit.
“Love them for who they are, and help them love themselves,” one participant suggested.
The list of examples could go on. Showing up for an autistic teen in your life means meeting them where they are and supporting them in the ways they need, even if it takes time to get there.
Agency & Autonomy
Some respondents to our survey said they felt in control of their daily decisions as teenagers, while others shared that decisions were sometimes made on their behalf, which could be frustrating as they sought more independence. Many noted that their level of autonomy depended on external factors such as financial stability, employment, or the presence of supportive allies. Decisions they wished they had more control over include meal choices, medical care, work accommodations, and how they spend their free time.
Ultimately, whether others provide support or space should largely be informed by what the autistic teen in the situation is requesting. Grasping the power of consent is crucial to putting this into practice in a way that works for everyone involved.
“Make sure to give as many opportunities as possible, always assume competence, but never shame them. If they need support, give it,” one participant said.
Knowledge of Autism & Commonly Co-occurring Conditions
Many survey respondents shared frustration with others’ lack of understanding of various representations of autism, including burnout and how co-occurring conditions can impact experiences.
This covers an important subject: Intersectionality. Autistic people have many other attributes that make them who they are aside from being autistic, including socioeconomic status, age, gender identity, race, sexual orientation, and more. Autism doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Co-occurring conditions impact individual experiences of autism just like social and economic factors do. Autistic teens’ care plans need to be as unique as they are, and intersectionality must be carefully considered in the crafting and delivery of those plans.
Knowing this, teachers, healthcare providers, and other professionals who work with autistic teens can also contribute to making their adolescence a better experience by staying up to date with current information about autism, enthusiastically meeting autistic teens’ accommodation requests, and providing them with helpful resources for navigating adulthood. Naturally, making service delivery spaces more sensory-friendly and accessible will encourage more autistic people of all ages to use them, connecting them to the resources they need.
“Learn as much as you can about autism,” a survey participant suggested.
“Use your resources! Learn and talk about autism, symptoms, stressors, and positive pieces,” another said.
“Seek out information from autistic voices and be critical consumers of information,” one participant recommended.
Transitioning to Adulthood
Transitioning to adulthood is uniquely challenging for many autistic teens. Without the right supports in place, this transition can be especially challenging. As adults, many survey participants said they wished they had a sort of “road map” to help them navigate employment, school, socializing, transportation, dating, sex, finances, budgeting, healthcare, recreation, emotional/somatic processing, and boundary-setting. Subjects considered taboo like dating and sex were highlighted as particularly important, with many subjects saying they felt like they didn’t know enough compared to their non-autistic peers.
That could mean “knowing the rules better” before being expected to manage the responsibilities of adulthood alone. One survey participant suggested “having stories, pictures, models of what adult life actually looks like and how adults interact, [and] adults telling stories of their day to day lives.”
Learning about these subjects in a way that feels safe for autistic teens could make a huge impact on their adolescence and future as adults.
Autistic Children
Support at Home
Every child needs a supportive home, including autistic children.
Feeling safe, loved, and accepted at home was the number one thing autistic adults told us they needed during their childhood. Families can support autistic children by practicing patience, compassion, and flexibility, focusing on strengths while understanding challenges.
Learning about ableism and exploring approaches that prioritize understanding over punishment can help caregivers create a more supportive environment. Focus on providing love and stability, explaining and accommodating instead of reprimanding. Several adults responding to our survey recommended that caregivers today take a neuroaffirming approach, centring curiosity and compassion.
“Don’t try to make them fit into society by changing who they are,” said an anonymous survey participant.
“Be honest with your kids and listen to them always. Teach them how to self-advocate and demonstrate kindness,” said another.
“Currently raising an autistic daughter, the biggest advice that I must remind myself of daily is to be calm and patient,” one participant said. “There’s a lot of external stimuli and sometimes having a safe parent to go to is important.”
Assessment
Early and accessible autism assessments can help autistic people of any age understand themselves and get access to resources that are otherwise unavailable. Getting assessed as a child can create a stronger sense of self-understanding, but that isn’t always the case.
Not everybody wants or can get an assessment, but some survey participants told us they wish they had received theirs sooner. A few reasons include attaining a “better understanding of [themself], how [their] brain works, and what [they] need to do to help [themself.]”
Many adults who were diagnosed later in life reflect on how different awareness of autism was in past decades.
“I wish my parents knew the signs so I would not have to struggle so much in seeking an adult autism assessment. I wish they took my struggles seriously and when they did notice something,” a participant said. “I wish they pushed for answers and help for me.”
“If I had known I was autistic, I wouldn’t have been so hard on myself for not fitting the social norms,” another participant contributed.
“It would have been helpful to have been supported, if effort was made to understand my personality, rather than letting me drift throughout my childhood,” One participant reflected that more guidance and understanding during childhood might have helped them feel more supported.
Acknowledging these realities is necessary to get a clear idea of what our community needs now.
Neuroaffirming Care
To help children understand their own feelings and needs, support them in identifying their emotions in a way that feels safe for them. Celebrate differences and focus on raising a kind and happy person rather than trying to make them act more neurotypical. Expecting children to mask, or hide their autistic selves/attributes, is often damaging, whether it’s short or long-term. Access to autistic counsellors, therapists, and other health professionals trained to provide neuroaffirming care to autistic children was highlighted as essential in survey results.
“I wish [the adults and providers around me as a child] knew about sensory needs. I wish they knew about autism as it relates to social settings and interactions. I wish they knew about PDA,” one participant said.
“If autistic and all other kids could have their needs valued and accommodated, then there wouldn’t be so many problems,” said another.
Socializing
Access to social opportunities with peers and alternative and augmented communication devices (AAC) were also key factors missing during survey participants’ childhoods.
As with teens, teachers and healthcare professionals play an important role in staying informed and keeping their spaces accessible for autistic children with sensory needs.
Interacting with autistic people of all ages is important for autistic children to know they’re not alone in their experiences, and they are part of a community of neurodivergent people. Having this fundamental understanding can better set them up for success later in life.
“In an ideal world, there would have been a meetup group for teens that felt like outsiders, were not socially adept, and were labeled as sensitive,” a participant said. “There was nothing like that nor internet when I grew up, so socially, there was nothing but heavy masking and desperation to appear to fit in with any social group whatsoever.”
Social skills training or just special interest-based groups could both be paths forward, several autistic adults who responded to our survey said.
Special Interests
Giving autistic children space to express themselves, bond with others, and develop their talents through engaging with their special interests is crucial.
Encouraging children’s passions and making space for them to practice their special interest with other autistic kids can help them establish a lifelong emotional anchor for getting through tough times. It could also lead to meaningful and healthy relationships with other children, giving them a stronger sense of identity and belonging within their community.
Special interests can also be a source of joy! Build lasting memories with autistic children by enjoying theirs with them or finding a group where they can play with friends.
Conclusion
Thank you to the community members who shared their experiences with us through our most recent survey of autistic adults. We couldn’t create this resource without your time, energy, and knowledge.
What would you add to this list? Let us know, and we’ll connect with you.
